Fat Man Shuffle, Part 3

Ouch. I woke up the next morning a bit sore. I had to fly out that evening to Atlanta. Luckily, it was a Monday night flight and the plane was empty. I stretched across 3 seats and made it through the flight. The trick is to keep moving. If I sat for more than 10 minutes, my legs would freeze up. It would then take about 2 minutes of walking to feel normal again.

I spent the next day in workshops where I had to sit in meetings all day. Breaks were comical as I limped off to try and get back up to speed. By the next day I felt better and by Thursday I felt back to normal.

I am planning on doing another marathon on April 24th. The OKC Marathon was rated as the most inspirational marathon by Runner’s World magazine. And there is a local support team in Shawnee. (Hi, Tim!) Sounds like a winner. I am doing a 5K program and doing a 5K on December 12th. Goal: Beat 26:00, which is Jeremiah’s best. We’ll see.

December 13th will be the beginning of the 18-week marathon program. Hopefully, the Fat Man Shuffle will start to resemble running.

Fat Man Shuffle, Part 2

The course starts through suburban Virginia. Not much to look at, but your mind is trying to evaluate everything. Am I going too fast? Too slow? Do I have to go to the bathroom? As a matter of fact, I do. Damn, didn’t I just go. Then I noticed that everyone was just lining up on the side of the road and doing their business. When in Rome… I felt like I was in Europe again where there is a much more realistic/pragmatic view of body functions.

The first part of the course has a nice little hill. There was a race worker announcing when we had reached the top that everything was downhill from here, that we had reached the highest point of the race. I traded barbs with the guy next to me about being glad it was at the beginning and not the end. Little did we know.

I reached the halfway mark at 2:22, which positioned me nicely for beating my goal of under 5 hours. Then the sun came out. It heated up to about 80 degrees. And the wind started to blow. The water points were placed every 2 miles. I would drink 4 – 5 glasses of water and I would have cotton mouth within a mile. Not a good sign.

All the advice forums talked about having 2 goals. One for perfect conditions and a backup goal if all hell broke loose. I was now on the backup goal…I just wanted to finish.

I struggled, but I was still feeling pretty good as I hit the 20-mile mark. Then the wheels fell off. I started making deals with myself. If you walk for 5 minutes, I’ll run the next mile. So there was a lot of walking and running to the finish line. But I found the finish line. Goal accomplished. For those keeping score at home, I ran it in 5:35.

Fat-Man Shuffle, Part 1

The first measure of endurance is the wait to pick up your race number (9346), T-shirt, and all the other stuff in the goodie bag. I sat in a line for close to an hour to get into the Expo. Once inside, the Marines were efficient and moved us through the line quickly. We immediately dove into the goodie bag and there was an IBM water bottle. Like I don’t have enough crap with the IBM logo on it. The strange thing was that it made me feel a little more connected to the event.

I spent some time buying the final things that I had forgotten. A fanny pack and GU gels were purchased. I forgot to buy nipple guards, but decided to just buy some Band-aids at the 7-11 the next morning.

All the running journals talk about not being able to sleep the night before. No problem there. I slept like a baby. Lisa took me to the Metro Station. The crowd was already starting to form and I started to check out all the other runners. What had I signed on for? Skinny, trim, lean. These descriptions fit most of the people on the platform….except me.

I had to transfer at the Rosslyn Station to get to Arlington Station. The wait on the platform was horrible. Luckily, I walked to the very end of the platform where it wasn’t quite so crwoded. As the train approached, it was obviously packed and I couldn’t see how anyone was going to get on. But the last car (my car) was practically empty. I got on and there he was. I don’t know who he was, but he looked like he was going to win this race. What had I signed on for?

At the Arlington Station, it took quite a while to get off the platform. Everyone had to validate their fare and there was some token security, as well. Once I climbed out of the subway, I proceeded to the starting chutes. My goal was less than 5 hours so I started the walk to get to that area. It was about a quarter of a mile away and the embankment to the right was lined with the classic pose of men finding relief. When in Rome…

I finally reached my starting area. There I met “my people”. Finally, some people that looked like real people. Bald, chubby guys, women with some junk in the trunk. These were people who were looking to finish and didn’t have pacing cards on their wrist to meet some goal time. The cannon was fired and it was time to get going. Eighteen thousand people began moving toward the starting line. My crowd had about a quarter of a mile to walk to get to the starting line. As we took the 10 minutes to shuffle there, I started to see IBM water bottles everywhere. People had used my beloved IBM water bottles as if they were Dixie Cups. I tried not to find any symbology.

As the line approached, I wavered between the excitement that I was finally running this thing and the sinking feeling of being in over my head. Either way, I finally reached the starting line and starting putting one foot in front of the other.

The Fat-Man Shuffle, Prologue

I weigh 255 pounds. My blood pressure was through the roof. So I started doing the Fat Man Shuffle. I was able to knock out 2-mile runs that way. Sure, I use to run like the wind. I used to be a RUNNER! Thank you, Army. But now I’m doing the Fat Man Shuffle. How did I fall so far, so fast?

Slowly, I started to “run” further. I made it up to 6-mile runs and decided I needed to set a goal. A goal that would make me feel like a runner again. The Richmond Marathon was a good candidate. Tim, my brother proposed the Marine Corps Marathon. It was only just a change of venue. It sounded good to me. And so I started putting in the miles. Lots of blisters. Lots of bloody nipples. Lots of Powerade. But it worked. I actually convinced myself that I could do it.

There were days when I felt like I could actually run like a RUNNER. Of course, my stopwatch lied and showed that I was only putting in 9-10 minute miles. Still not a RUNNER. Just a really good version of the fat-man shuffle.

Back in my army days, I use to train with a couple of guys getting ready for the Q-course, the first step to being a Green Beret. We would run home from work with 30-40 pound ruck sacks on our backs for 8 miles. Real gung-ho, macho army bullshit. Of course, I now run with more weight than that with no ruck sack. My, how the times change.

The weight started to melt off, but only to about 225. My blood pressure is now almost normal. My pants are loose. I am able to run through the airport to make a tight connection if I need to. And the 18-week program to train for a marathon has flown by. Even the 20-miler wasn’t that bad. I’m sure my co-workers were skeptical about my running a marathon. Time to walk the walk.

First, The Election

I have several little posts I’d like to make about my marathon. But first, my two cents on the election. To all of the people in my liberal family, I told you so. Once again, the democrats have overreached and tried to elect some “liberal”. The Democrats lost this election back in the beginning of the year when they nominated Kerry.

Back then, I summed up the election by saying that the Democrats had a choice of ’72 or ’92. In 1972, the Dems put George McGovern, the anti-war candidate, up for slaughter against Nixon. In 1992, they nominated a middle of the road, southern, sweet-talking Governor from Arkansas. He knew that it was the “Economy, stupid.” What was his name again?

So the Democrats, like a moth to the fire, chose the anti-war Kerry instead of the “two economic worlds” message of Edwards. (Even Wesley Clark would have had a better chance than Kerry.) So while it gives me no pleasure, I get to say I told you so.

For those Dems looking for the silver lining, EVERYTHING that happens in the next four years will rest at the feet of the Republicans. Sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better.

Finally, here’s a little brain teaser for you. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bill Clinton, and Colin Powell have very similar political views…and none of them fit neatly into either party. Where is the party that stands for a moderate world view, fiscal responsibility, and has a liberal social view? When those three form that party, wake me up. I’ll be first in line to join.

Unfunded Initiative

There seems to be a lot of chit-chat about the draft these days. Unfortunately, like most things in the USA these days, the chit-chat about the draft is mostly just a scare tactic to herd the sheep to a certain position. “Youth of today, watch Platoon!!! Vote for me or this will be your fate!!!”

So the opportunity to have any measured, intelligent, realistic debate on the subject is missed. No guarantee that my two cents is measured and intelligent, but I will try.

The most dreaded event that I have in my work is when I realize I am in the middle of an “unfunded initiative”. It’s a fun little exercise where some pointy-hair boss creates some must-attain goal without any money, people or realistic timeline in place. Essentially, the boss is some glory-whore that wants results in a vacuum without affecting his bottom-line. We poor saps in the trenches bear the burden.

And that is where we are today with Iraq. Essentially, the American people want results without having to pay the price. The true decision of waging war should be based on what the American people think when they have their ass on the line. I work in conservative circles and they always assert that Bush is doing the right thing. When I ask when they are joining the army, the conversation dies. Unfunded initiative.

It is time to have every American put some skin in the game and find out where their true sentiment lies. A draft. NO LOOPHOLES. If you have a pulse, your name goes in the bin. Jenna and Barbara Bush? You’re in. MBA student at Wharton? You’re eligible. All those self-righteous, master-of-the-universe consultants who support the war in word only? You’re in for a double enlistment (just kidding). You have a wife and kids? So does everyone else in the army. Get ready to wear green.

Then we will truly find out where America stands. My sneaky hunch is that we would have a bigger presence in Afghanistan. We would have some kind in the Sudan. I doubt we would be in Iraq. I could be wrong, but I suspect we’ll never find out. The fact that America doesn’t want the draft says it all. Unfunded initiative.